What is gaslighting?

Erika Baum
Feb 19, 2025
2 min read

Gaslighting is a form of manipulation that causes a person to doubt their own beliefs, sanity, or memory. Over time—sometimes months or years—the gaslighter chips away at their victim’s confidence by repeatedly insisting they are wrong or misremembering things. This can leave the victim feeling confused, powerless, and even questioning their own reality.

Gaslighting isn’t just something that happens in romantic relationships. It can occur in friendships, families, the workplace, and even in therapy. Many adult children of alcoholics (ACoAs) and those who have experienced complex relational trauma are especially vulnerable to gaslighting, as they may have grown up in environments where their emotions or experiences were dismissed or distorted.

How Does Gaslighting Work?

A gaslighter manipulates by:

🔹 Denying reality (“That never happened.”)

🔹 Minimizing the victim’s feelings (“You’re overreacting.”)

🔹 Blaming the victim (“You’re the problem, not me.”)

🔹 Using distraction or avoidance (“Let’s not talk about this.”)

🔹 Insulting or putting the victim down (“You sound crazy.”)

🔹 Undermining confidence (“You always get things wrong.”)

Example of Gaslighting:

Brenda notices her husband spending more time away from home and being secretive with his phone. When she asks him about it, he gets angry, denies anything is wrong, and tells her she’s “crazy” for being paranoid. Over time, Brenda starts to doubt her own instincts and assumes she’s the problem—until she later discovers he’s been having an affair.

Why Do People Gaslight?

Gaslighting is often used as a method of control. When someone doubts their own reality, they may start relying on the gaslighter for validation and decision-making. In doing so, the gaslighter gains power while making the victim feel small, confused, or dependent.

Healing from Gaslighting

The good news? You’re not powerless. If you’ve experienced gaslighting—whether in childhood, relationships, or toxic workplaces—there are ways to heal.

✅ Keep a journal – Document conversations and events to validate your own experiences.

✅ Set boundaries – Protect your energy and limit contact with people who manipulate you.

✅ Explore relationship patterns – Understanding past wounds can help break cycles of manipulation.

✅ Seek support – Therapy, especially trauma-informed approaches like EMDR, can help rebuild self-trust and confidence.

If you’re in Denver or anywhere in Colorado and have experienced gaslighting, complex trauma, or childhood emotional neglect, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Denver Attachment Counseling offers therapy in a safe space to process these experiences and reclaim your reality.

💬 Have you experienced gaslighting? Drop a comment or reach out—I’m here to help. 💛