Adult Children of Alcoholics: Denver EMDR Therapy

Erika Baum
Dec 20, 2024
3 min read

Updated: Dec 27, 2024

You looked like a child, you dressed like a child, and to some degree you behaved like a child, but you sure as hell didn't feel like a child.

Adult Children of Alcoholics Denver, Colorado EMDR Therapy

Growing up in a household with an alcoholic parent leaves lasting imprints on children, shaping their relationships, self-perception, and emotional resilience.

As an adult child of an alcoholic myself, this topic is of personal interest.

Still, the reason I wanted to write this is because many of my Denver clients continue presenting with the common characteristics that come out of growing up with an alcoholic. They have no idea how this has truly impacted them.

Growing up with an undercurrent of ever-present tension and anxiety shapes who we became as adults. No matter how many times things went awry in your home, as soon as you walked in the door, you were never prepared.

Janet Woititz’s seminal book, Adult Children of Alcoholics, illuminates the shared experiences and struggles of those raised in such environments. It provides understanding and hope for healing. Below are the main points and key takeaways from this powerful resource.

Other people saw you as a child, unless they got close enough to that edge of sadness in your eyes or that worried look on your brow. You behaved much like a child, but you were never really frolicking, you were more just going along. You didn't have the same spontaneity that the other kids had. But no one really noticed that.

Common issues that arise in adulthood

Trust Issues: Growing up in chaotic or unpredictable households makes trusting others a challenge.

Difficulty with Intimacy: Many ACOAs struggle to form close relationships, fearing vulnerability or rejection.

Overdeveloped Sense of Responsibility: They often take on excessive responsibilities to compensate for their upbringing.

Somehow as a child, you may have internalized that your very existence caused the problems. If you were just a better kid, there would be fewer problems. It was all your fault, but there didn't seem to be anything you could do to make life better.

Approval-Seeking: They often seek validation from others, stemming from a lack of affirmation in childhood.

Fear of Abandonment: The inconsistency of a parent with alcoholism instills a deep fear of being left behind.

Perfectionism: To maintain a sense of control, many strive for perfection in everything they do.

Difficulty Having Fun: Relaxing and enjoying life can feel alien or undeserved.

Feeling unworthy: Growing up in an environment where love felt conditional or absent.

Hypervigilant: Constantly on edge, anticipating crises even in stable environments.

Guilt: Feeling responsible for their parent’s struggles and failures.

Final Thoughts

Adult Children of Alcoholics is more than a book; it’s a mirror for those who often feel unseen and misunderstood. By unpacking the emotional legacy of growing up with an alcoholic parent, Woititz offers ACOAs the tools to heal, thrive, and connect authentically with themselves and others.

For anyone seeking to understand the impact of alcoholism on family dynamics or looking to break free from their past, this book is a must-read. If you identify with these experiences, remember: you’re not alone, and your story is still being written. Healing and hope are always within reach.