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Yes, and...
- Erika Baum
- Mar 23, 2022
- 2 min read
Instead of saying "yes, but...", saying "yes, and..." may really help improve the connection in your conversations with others.
How?
When you say "Yes, AND…", the person you are speaking with will probably feel heard, respected, and appreciated. Saying "AND" gets you in the game and strengthens the connection. It also energizes the conversation between you. When most people hear "BUT", they begin to feel anxious and disconnected from you.
Have you ever shared an idea with your mate or friend, and thought they were really on the same page with you? The listener says, "Yes, I like it!" There is this flash of excitement you feel, but then they say, "But it won't work."
Have you ever shared an idea with your mate or friend, and thought they were really on the same page with you? The listener says, "Yes, I like it!" There is this flash of excitement you feel, but then they say, "But it won't work."
Let's look at some scenarios to get the idea...
"Yes, I love the idea of a vacation in Hawaii, BUT, we don't have the money."
"Yes, I think we should plant flowers out front, BUT, it will attract a lot of bees."
"Yes, Ethiopian food sounds delicious, BUT, it doesn't agree with my stomach."
Bleh... Your energy and excitement just flatlined. Not only do you feel shut down and denied, but also rebuffed. It doesn't really matter what comes next. After you hear "BUT", anything that came before it seems insincere.
How could we translate those examples above into "Yes, AND" responses?
"Yes, I love the idea of a vacation in Hawaii, AND, what do you think about sitting down and figuring out a savings strategy so we can go?"
"Yes, I think we should plant flowers out front, AND, would you be willing to help us find ones that don't tend to attract bees?"
"Yes, Ethiopian food sounds delicious, AND, I'm just a little worried it may upset my stomach tonight."
I invite you to give "Yes, AND..." a try and comment below with how you feel making this shift.
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