These 11 Responses May Be Pushing People Away (Yep, We’ve All Been Guilty of Them)

Ever caught yourself responding in a way that unintentionally shuts someone down? Yeah, me too. These 11 common responses often create disconnection, even when we mean well. No shame—just awareness.

Which ones have you been guilty of? (Be honest!)

1) Giving Advice

“I think you should… If I were you, I’d… Why don’t you just…?”

2) Explaining It Away (Defending & Justifying)

“I would have called, but… She only said that because you… It wasn’t really like that…”

3) Correcting

“That’s not how it happened… Wait! I never said that! What you really mean is…”

4) Telling a Story

“That reminds me of the time… I know just how you feel! My friend had the same thing happen…”

5) Consoling

“It wasn’t your fault… You did the best you could… It could’ve been worse…”

6) Shutting Down Feelings/Distracting

“Cheer up. Don’t be so mad… Quit feeling sorry for yourself… You’re okay! (or telling a joke to change the subject).”

7) Sympathizing/Commiserating

“Oh, you poor thing… That should never happen to someone like you… I know exactly how you feel.”

8) Investigating/Interrogating

“What made you do that? When did this happen? Why didn’t you call?”

9) Evaluating/Educating

“You’re just being too sensitive… The real problem is… If you weren’t so defensive…”

10) One-Upping

“You think that’s bad? Listen to this…”

11) Threatening

“If you don’t do something about it, it’s only going to get worse.”

You Can Heal

If you're working on healing past relational wounds and moving toward secure attachment, I’d love to help. Book a consultation here.

Written by:

Erika Baum, M.A. Clinical Mental Health Counseling, LPCC

Book an appointment HERE.

Denver, Castle Rock, Englewood, Colorado